


Through The Corrupted Stained Glass

by VisibleClosedEyes



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Anti social behavior, Character Study, Descent into Madness, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Intoxication, Manipulative Relationship, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Neglected Childhood, Recreational Drug Use, Relationship Study, Sexual Violence, Suicidal Thoughts, Surreal, V is a kinda bad person, V is still a corpo, What can I say corpo being psycho suit, but they are kinda bad, failed suidice attempt, not follow canon story, pre-game, two asshole corpo in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:09:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28857882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisibleClosedEyes/pseuds/VisibleClosedEyes
Summary: Being a high ranking corpo means you are on top of the world. Unfortunately, people on top tend to have a mind fragile like glass but also sharp like one.( V and Meredith love each other while trying to be good but still be awful. Oh did I mention corpo life?)
Relationships: Meredith Stout/Female V, V & Jackie Welles
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	1. Moth

Meredith has no idea why people flatlined themselves. Always treat this type of subject as a judgment of skill and character. Only people who are weak did that, run away instead of fighting until their last breath. Maybe it was for the better that they quit, so they made room for people who will make it and would never ever back down--like her and V.

Until now she never knew before. What it feels like to be someone who sits next to their close one who survived a failed suicide attempt. To question V in silence, to question herself in anger. Why did you do that? Why didn’t you tell me?. V jammed her own neural port with her own homemade neuro-virus so that the Trauma team won’t pick up her. Calculated planning actually, no wonder she made it as counterintelligence for Arasaka. That created a taste so bitter it bit her tongue. V has made it, what more could she ever need? What there to be sad about?. Meredith didn’t understand it and she was ignorantly telling herself she didn’t have to because it made no sense.  
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White color normally associated with purity and peace but for V it’s the color of pain and indifference. Indifference to life… indifference to all… this, whatever this is, whatever she gets going right now. V felt selfish--like how would she tell Meredith about this? That she was no longer satisfied with all that she has--which was basically the world. Yeah, she and Meredith have it all but that felt barely fulfilled. Oh, don’t get her wrong, V loves power--this was something she will always fixate on, like a Black Lace she’s fucking depend on it.  
V stared into the emptiness of the ivory ceiling. This must be one of the rooms that the Trauma Team’s patients have to stay after an extract-and-rescue operation. She was disappointed--of what? She didn’t really fucking know. Maybe because she will be living another day--or maybe because she realized that real death hurt like motherfucker, not at all what that XBD-real flatline felt like, and those were considered top painful experiences a person could go through.

“ Could you tell me why? Just… why did you do this? Why didn’t you tell me anything?” Meredith was at her side with her arms crossed, she was worried or seems like she was but her voice came out with a trace of anger and disappointment. V loved when Meredith got angry--at her to be specific because it made her heart rise like a chromed-out cyberpsycho and this intense of poorly mixing of emotional thrill and hormonal discharge was what V living for. That’s probably the answer to Meredith’s question--Thrill, to feel something--anything--was her end goal and it resulted in V taking things too far again.

“ Just wanna give up. I’m tired. That’s all” V said with looking into her output’s eyes and just looked outside the window, observed the outside world where people--not so important to the world--lived life happily and to their max potential. Sometimes she wished to have both power and less responsibility but that’s not how anything works.

“ And what? Just throws away what we have made, WHAT I have made for you?”

“ You didn’t make shit for me, Meredith. Get that straight.” V acutely snapped back to her blonde-haired corpo output. V sensed the woman’s disappointment. She hated that. V hated being a disappointment

“ I don’t wanna talk to you--not now, about…this. How about something lighter?” V said while let herself sank deep into a highly comfortable mattress. She looked up at her girlfriend. Meredith sighed, accepted her defeat this time.

“ How about the possibility of another corporate war on the horizon?”

“ Sure, let’s talk about that”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

V was released from the hospital later that night because she has to be in the office tomorrow. But instead of going home and call it a night because she didn’t feel like it, she went on district-hopping with her output. From a luxury lounge on top of a skyscraper as high as corporate-made heaven could get to the dimmest pinkish-red light of the depraved underbelly of Jig-Jig street. Ironically, both districts brought the most wealth to Night city but Jig-Jig was never trying to be anything other than what they are now. Kind of charming.  


“ You really like light,” Meredith whispered from somewhere behind her, very very close to her ear that she can felt a slight tingle start from her back skull up to her head and down her spine. She was right--to V, city light was her only navigator in her life, or at least that what she felt like.  


“ Yeah, like a moth.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The world was so alienated under the influence of backstreet alley drug, designed by street scums and consumed by corpos that no longer feel like normal emotions were not enough anymore. So like V. So like Meredith.  
“ Can we fuck? Like how we used to do back then?” V asked between her abnormal breathing pattern from the other woman who was biting and kiss her neck and Black Lace--which V popped in too much.  
" Dark alley. Good ol’day, huh?”

Yes, but she didn’t answer in a word, only a moan in her throat. They walked and walked. Bumped into some homeless gonks but found the spot that both of them remembered. When they lived together--penthouse newly brought by her (or Meredith’s money) parents’ eddies. Back then when there was no responsibility so heavy it might cause the second war. When they were just corpos’ children--bratty but nonetheless free and uncorrupted. Studying in a college, doing their best, fall in love with each other, fall out of love, and fucking and back to being in love again  
V missed that, hated this world, and love this city that spoke to her and dance in her eyes. Then the world faded and her system shut down--or maybe it was just her soul.


	2. Broken

V read about  Nietzsche once and swore off of learning about Philosophy. Especially, Nietzsche--his conclusion of godless humans in itself was an insult to human capability, in which way? She wasn’t sure. She was getting tired of this shit but being someone in her socioeconomic class which was ironic because corpo were all millions of shades of shallowness. V didn’t hate all that, she simply just wanted it all. To be on the top and have all the best things the world could possibly offer, to be shoulder to shoulder with the street trashes—absorbing in all the painfully but breathtakingly unnatural and gorgeous multicolor neon lights. The world as she knew was all made up by some rich dude that long-dead. A world that she was and will be forever an outcast to. V always feels bitter to her core being. V will never have something that people down there had and this fact cut deep like a defective internal implant.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

**2068 / 1:16 Am**

**Totentanz**

_ One-shot, two shot, three-shot, four-shot. One thousand eddies, two thousand eddies, three thousand… four thousand...  _ V tucked out cred under each glass of tequila she finished. A decent size of Maelstromers and other regulars. A ‘borg up fucker sat at the opposite end of V did the same while looking at the corpo woman the whole time. She finished the fifth while he pulled the forth. A coy smirk was given to the maelstrom. 

“ Speed means shit psychosuit.” He said. Probably was right too but … that didn’t concern V in any way at the moment. 

Meredith was here too. Just right behind her—looks as unpleasant as a person could be in this situation. She already told V  _ it was a fucking stupid idea _ but V was V—all Meredith protest literally wasted down the drain. Fuck and she cannot just leave because  _ V was here with this—people _ ( how organic were these gonks? 10% 20% ? Jesus fucking christ ). Meredith thought this was a bad idea-- _ it was a bad idea  _ but V, as a gonk she was, dismissed her opinion immediately. Her reason?  _ She wants the experience, the thrill.  _ Sure, wanna go wild? Meredith has no fucking problem with that, but she has it with the location. Why not more civilized establishments in the City center? At least Empathy is much better than… this unclean hellhole of a club running by a bunch of ‘borg up junkies.  _ Ugh,  _ Meredith groaned mentally when one of the Maelstromers with four red glowing eyes gave her side-eyes and whistled ( sound like a dying overclocked CPU).  _ When this all over, she’s going to fucking kill V.  _

__

__ On V’s side, Meredith wasn’t part of her thought cycle at the moment, kinda irrelevant, and was in the background. All she felt was a rush of titillation. Nothing mattered, just that her heart rate went up and she was having fun. The synth neo-death metal music that was playing in the background booming into her ‘ganic  cochlea would be overbearing for V if she was sober. She wasn’t, that’s the point—Now?  _ This was the shit _ . And the light—the red lights made everything feel deadly like she was already dead and this was hell for all the extreme ‘borg people. She didn’t belong here but she likes to pretend that she was. 

Everything was fun and pretty harmless until an inhaler was introduced to V

“ What’s in it?” V slurred her words out, looking and flipping the inhaler around

“ Black Lace. Stuff that corpos pussy won’t do,” that was literally all the maelstromer has to say to get V to smoke that shit without any second thought.

The world tripped upside down but V was so happy—too Euphoric to feel the pain when her cheek kissed the dirty floor. It felt like she became deaf too—or her mind stopped registering voice for that matter. There were faces—many of them, human, chromed up, demons… lights were intense too, so much that the whole establishment looked like it was bathed in blood and people who were dancing down there were demons celebrating for the souls of the sinners and the innocents. Down there looking like people were crushed by the meat grinder like in Buddhist hell. Scream. Redness. Unquiet. To some certain degree, this was her, both a sinner and innocent… She felt her body was lifted with a hand so soft yet so gripping and tight. 

_ Meredith knew this was a god awful idea and she was dancing to the shitty tune, still.  _ This was why V was so dangerous to her—for whatever reason, she got soft and followed her bad decision and had to endure the consequence. Tonight was the same, somehow Meredith wasn’t that angry. Maybe because they were both young, rich, and lack of any real responsibility 

“ Mother gonna fuckin’ kill me…” V slurred but she didn’t seem to be all that worry because of the shit-eating grin that was plastered all over her face.

“ We can go back to my place,” Meredith said as she put V to sit on the front passenger seat of her ride

“ You are the best,”

“ How could I not be?”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

**2075 / 2.09 Am**

**V’s penthouse**

**\- Present time -**

This is it. V is dying. The cut 10 hours ago didn’t do it but this sure will. And, as ironic as it sounds, she didn’t want to die anymore--she was beyond afraid. Maybe she was alone right now, or maybe her output was with her; the world was twisted in regret and agony. The world comes broken down once again after hours of debauchery with prescribed psychiatric drugs on top. V’s free hand holds on to the toilet rim for her dear life while she’s vomiting almost everything that could possibly come out from her stomach until the disgusting concoction in the bowl turns deep red as she starts to puke out her enzymes and blood. After a while, her last wave of nausea is gone and it leaves her brain fuzzy and empty. For a second, she’s aware of things then the next second the world disappears again.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s 7 am when V finally regains her consciousness. Fuck, she isn’t late--not only that, she also still has plenty of time to groom herself into an acceptable state which is an incredible miracle. 

_ Note to self ( that she should know already!) : Maybe next time don’t go drug and alcohol binge when you have to work the next day _

So she goes to work just like usual, act just like her normal-sleep-deprived-self because that already how all Arasaka counterintels were like--all day, every fucking day. Dealing with Jenkins, dealing with her underlings and sometimes she would be sent to some marked target on the behalf of Arasaka to teach them a valuable lesson why they shouldn’t fuck with Arasaka. No actions today… good, because she still got that hangover all the way to the end of the day… hope she will be better the next day…Then her holo rings and display new text notification

##  **♡** Merri **♡**

: We need to talk.

: your place, after work

  
  


_ V contemplates text from Meredith for a second then texts back _

  
  


Uh huh, mind telling me what this is about?:

  
  


Then silence, Meredith doesn’t reply back. Fuck. V hates when people do this, vague texting or vague posting whatever. It makes her nervous and lacks control of the situation. V needs to know everything, every angle and whatever scenario Meredith is putting her in right now but for some reason, she still wants to see her nonetheless. It’s… almost illogical and jarring 

**2075 / 9.09 pm**

**V’s penthouse**

They live in a different penthouse but not so far away at all. In fact, from here in the balcony of Valerie’s place Meredith can see directly into her own penthouse’s balcony. It was planned and booked to be this way. No, they can’t live together like they used to back when they were both fresh-faced colleague students. Because of work… no, more like because of the place they’re working for. Meredith for Militech, V for Arasaka--they would never get away with being in a relationship openly… or whatever people called it. The blonde woman reaches out to her tattoo on her left side of her neck. **_Never again. Never again. Never that naive again._ ** Her own cover tattoo over the heart was one that was picked by Valerie herself, both when she and Meredith were still innocent.

Now, Meredith is just bitter. At Valerie, at herself, at the goddamn invisible fucked up rules of this fucking city. Mostly she’s just sick of V’s bullshit and her destructive, immature habits--drugs habit, alcohol habit and down to her goddamn mindset and the way she’s living. They’re going nowhere because  **_Valerie is dragging both of them down_ **

The main door slides open and V finally is in her sight. She doesn’t say anything right away but drops her bag on the sofa and throws herself down next to it. V looks over from her shoulder to meet Meredith’s pair of blues like she’s silently inviting her output to sit. Meredith doesn’t sit but walk over to stand in front of Valerie, her blue eyes penetrate into V’s endless black pair

“ So, what?” V askes

“ We can’t keep doing… this, You can’t keep living like that!” Meredith’s first sentence to her output comes out as a yell, something she isn’t entirely intended to. And it’s not V doesn’t deserve it

“ Oh yeah? Is this because all the corporate and war? That I, an Arasaka counterintel, would fuck your work up? What? You want me to quit or what? Everything needs to be on your…” Valerie bursts out immediately without any warning. Completely different from her much more unbothered front that she usually put on and mastered. Meredith is angered by her girlfriend’s shockingly defensive reaction and cut V off

“ The fuck’s wrong with you ?! Holy fuck! This is not about our boss, eddies, war or whatever-- I don’t give a fuck about that! This is about you Valerie!” 

“ I didn’t do anything,”

_ Oh my fucking god,  _ Meredith thinks in her head and rubs her nose bridge like it’s saving her life.  _ At some fucking point she’s gonna kill this bitch. _

“ Nothing? Your suicide attempt? Fucking drugs and alcohol binge?” Meredith snarls as she tries to get closer to Valerie. 

Every word coming out of the blonde’s lips are heavy and shaky as it pierces into Valerie’s enchanted ears implants. It has an impact on V, V can feel it but…her emotions are all in the mix of chaos fuel to run around in a circle which is fueled by hate. Hatred of what? Her Meredith? Of course not… well, just not that much--V can tell that. Still she feels like her brain is drowning in contempt for something deeper than her loud output. 

“ You’re overreacting. Again. I will be fine. Stop making a big deal out of it,”

“ Oh right! That’s why you tried to flatline yourselves, right? Because it’s not that big of a deal… That’s why…” Meredith turns her back on V, she rest her fist just above her nose bridge 

This is the life they both settled. Fortunately and unfortunately.

“ Go flatline yourselves, Meredith!”

Yes, this is how things are for both of them at this point


End file.
